Indecisive Loser-Hero Hybrid (earthdotprime) wrote,
Indecisive Loser-Hero Hybrid

  • Mood:

The Best Bunch of Assholes I've Ever Known

I'm tired of pretending that Colorado is my home. It's a place that I can tolerate. Barely. RPS finals were last night, and even though I had an AMAZING night seeing Itchy-O with my friend Megan, it was the first night in 5 years that Denver/Boulder has felt like anything other than part of a holding pattern.

And then I looked at FB just not, and it's full of pictures of RPS finals, and friends from back east congratulating/yelling each other, and old teammates and their babies, and family stuff... And I just want to be BACK. THAT'S the life I want. There. With the people that I care about, that care about me, that I want to be involved with and to share things with. The people I want to take home to meet my parents, brag about to everyone else I know. Introduce my theoretical future children to. Not out here, with a crowd of people that just make me ever more insecure with every passing day, that I don't trust far enough to phone up for coffee, let alone to trust them with my whole self.

I have a bunch of reasons that look great on paper for why I'm staying here, but then days like today happen, and my heart actually hurts to be away from all the places and people that I love. It's been almost 5 years, and I'm still not past that. So why can't I just listen to myself, just take myself back east, where I want to be, where I belong?
Tags: home, rps
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