Indecisive Loser-Hero Hybrid (earthdotprime) wrote,
Indecisive Loser-Hero Hybrid

You're Fired: Therapist Edition.

I'm definitely passively breaking up with my therapist by simply refusing to call her ever again. And after today, I'm perfectly ok with that. She's too expensive, I don't think she's doing a particularly good job as a therapist (I see her almost exclusively for drugs), her bedside manner is completely lacking and - the final straw - is that she's charging me for my missed appointment today. To my fault, she requires 24 hours cancellation notice, and I only gave her 21. On the flip side, I've never missed an appointment with her before, ever, so I may have expected some sort of leniancy. Instead, she calls me back, tells me she'll be billing me for the time, then in the same breathe, asks if I want to schedule another appointment with her this month. This is after the last time I saw her, when I explicitly told her that I can't really afford to see her, since my insurance doesn't cover mental health, and, hey, I'm not super excited with the way you treated my reaction to the meds yo uput me on.

I get that as a psychiatrist, you can't let your clients walk all over you, otherwise you'd be a terrible professional. On the other hand, treating me like an individual at ANY point in our relationship would be kinda swell.

I tried to be proactive the last time I saw her, and explain that I wasn't comfortable with the level of care I was receiving, or the pricepoint I was receiving it at. (Offering sliding scale pricing on an individual basis isn't uncommon in this world, especially if you're not a member of a larger practice.) It was like trying to break up with someone, and they're watching television. "Uh huh. Yes dear. Whatever. What do you want for dinner?"

So, I'm done. My therapist makes me feel like shit. Now I feel like I have to see a therapist to deal with my issues around my therapist. That's healthy.

I told her that I can't afford to see her more than once a month (which I told her last time, too, when her solution to "You're too expensive and I don't think I'm receiving adequate care" was "So, do you want to see me more often?"), and that I don't know when I'll be back from Philly (which is all about 80% true - if things with Mom go poorly, no, I don't know when I'll be back.), so no, I can't make another appointment right now, and sure, I'll call you when I'm back.

Except no. I'm done.

Yeah, I feel like this is the coward's way out, and yeah, I'm terrified to not have a doctor right now, but this is probably the kick in the ass I need to find someone better.
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